Stop it!

I have some comments thrown at me these days, even judgmental stares...

People are judging (even sounded almost punishing) that I only provide one (1) child to my wife, with the common comments like;
a) dude, you guys are halfway in your 30s... your wife will not be fertile forever...
b) dude, Iris is already 4, it's time to get her a sister/brother for her to play with. Iris is lonely (of course whenever I asks, she'd disagree. She wishes to keep her status quo as the 'anak manja ayah')
c) when are you coming up with a second child?
d) only one daughter?
e) are you not fertile? (what?)
f) etc and etc...

OK, me and wifey will celebrate our 6th wedding anniversary this year, and Iris is 4. Life has finally getting better, and we have just started to enjoy our hard-earned money. Touch wood, we live quite comfortably now, not without my debts with few banks, mortgage, car loan etc. I mean, we are just ordinary married couple, living in the city. That is ubiquitous to the other few millions in KL.

What 'the others' are seeing is that, the other 'ordinary' couples have 3-4-5 kids, both are working and etc (they might even have more credit card debts... heheheh).

OK, to justify their comments and that they are sane, they are too shared by my wife. She for one, thinks Iris is too spoilt with me, and she thinks that by having another child would 'tame' Iris. She has forever warned me that her biological clock is 'running out of battery', and she would wish to have at least another child. My wife, ladies and gentlemen, is no. 9 out of 10 siblings (12 if we count the ones who died in labour etc). I understand her ideal wish for a family (I'm the last of 3), but I would for one spare her of becoming a birth-giving-machine-thing. She even scared me that we won't have a son who'd pray for us on our funeral (ok, she is still fresh from her father's).

Bottom line, I understand that with any born child, Allah has promised his/her of their destiny, and 'rezeki'. I admit it, when Iris came to this world, a lot of good things happened to us that helped made our life easier. But it is also our responsibility to ensure all born child has a space in this world, and all the things to help him/her grow healthily, and all the best possible things in life. It is the parents' responsibilities to see that they have it, but within means, lah...

Economically, we'll need a bigger car, bigger house, bigger groceries bills, a maid to get things together, etc (bigger ego?), and everything sort of like chain effect reaction. Wifey would say that we'll grow old lonely as compared to her parents. I'd say we would adopt a cat...

Me and wifey are working hard, and we take some time to rest. We have our hobbies, do some baking to help pay for monthly groceries (won't go into details, baru je lepas bayar tax... :P). Iris goes to playschool in the morning, and at babysitter's in the evening. I picked her up circa 8.30pm every night and she goes to sleep at 10.30pm. Wifey comes home at midnight, not to see her daughter playing and laughing, and scribble something that looks like a dinosaur and Ultraman... Put that into perspective, where do we slot a baby? 

We are both building careers now, and my wife was just speaking maternal.

Reality is, we would love to have another one child if Allah permits, or whatever numbers Allah wishes to grant us. For we shall shuffle things around to accommodate. But it is not my prerogative to have sex at will (mind the language) and disregard of any unplanned pregnancy, and "deal with the problems later". I may sound selfish, but that is just animal instinct. Sex is not just about making babies. We no longer live in a controlled world, and I won't subject my child(ren) to any insufficient education, health and life (this is where people would put comparison of other big families, like Jalaluddin Hassan's father for instance...).

Coming back to the main argument, people (in Malaysia?) are simply not pleased with the things they are. If you are single, they'd criticize you, when you are dating, they'll criticize your partner, when you're married, they'll ask you when are we having our first baby (we waited 2 years for Iris, they almost made me do a fertility test), etc (you get my drift). Why on earth do you care? Well, some strangers just love to do small talks, with the intention to inferiorate you...

I do not deny the fact that we will try for our second child soon. But whenever that is, apart from our family, none others should have a say, or even ridicule my ahemm, sexual prowess (no, I do not need a Viagra or a Bollywood Magic pill). When we are ready, then we'll try.  

(this discussion could take a while...)


Comments

Anonymous said…
Hi Syah,
I shall say that's very malaysian kind of attitude. Tell me about it when people think it is so thoughtful of them to pass remarks on matters as personal as that. I'm delighted to see there are people like you out there who will not use having more children as reasons to make life better. A child is a gift, not a reason for one to change or to prove. For me, it's a tough challenge to raise an innocent child in today's cruel world....Cheerio!
amsyah said…
ya lah... I envy the elder people that they don't have to deal with the problems we have today, such huge worry... duit boleh cari, tapi nak besarkan anak is such a huge responsibility...
i think it's not a malaysia thing, my friends in the west are getting those kinds of remarks too from often well-meaning relatives and friends, although of course the pressure to settle down and start producing their mini-me's is not as bad as it is here. imho, they're the ones who should take the pressure seriously as europe is under-populated, hohoho.

abang syah, i am an only child, not unlike iris, and i am well-adjusted kan, kan, kan? but i have to admit it got mind-blowingly boring at times, and it took me years to adjust to the fact that the world doesn't revolve around me, hehe.

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