We balik kampung-ed for the Hari Raya AidilAdha, and I swear it felt like stranded in an airport. A real long case of Tom Hanks and bewilderment. I was stuck in clothes I have in the luggage, work, and moving around the house was really like a buffet table. I would walk around my mother's Jasmine garden, her orchard, sit around and watch the telly and always ended up in the kitchen. And the spread was endless. Iris benefited from all the shopping into my mom's make-up pouch, get her grandma to buy her all sort of girly things. Time stopped, but I kept eating all my favourites. And now I am afraid to get on the scale.
Me in denial is me being complacent. And I hated that.
I always hated it whenever I was not able to sweat it out, and I wonder if this is what a negative addiction is? Why can't it be a few-days-without-a-workout thing, like picking up shirts for ironing every Sunday?
I know why. Because I hate the feeling of being out of control, and consciously knowing I am letting the fat to settle again. All of a sudden, I need to be a control freak - why, doctor? Why?
November is passing, and I am on the verge of my 3rd year anniversary of my losing-the-fat battle. This week 3 years back, I had my appointment fixed to see Ian at Maxis Tower as we sat around the lounge and I filled up my questionnaires. Everything is blank to me now, I can hardly remember what they were - this Dory-brain of mine could not remember beyond 2-days memories. But I knew then I was about to embark on something to shed the title Mr. Shrek once and for all.
Approaching my 3rd health-freak Anniversary, I need to re-assess my objectives. Over the last years, reading back my blog entries - I felt like I have lost my objectives, and it sounded like an echo of certain waves from fellow bloggers. Many of the things I did in 2009 and 2010 were echoes - I do not understand why. I know some races were not customary but there I was - remorseful in the end.
I am lost.
Would they be losing excess body fat, build mass, run faster, run further, do triathlons, do biathlons/duathlons, so international races, openwater swimming, swim Kapas-Marang, diving, etc, etc and etc. I want them all, and I am too greedy.
(sel-sel otak tak berhubung)
On top of those, I have my professional exams coming in April and July, school enrollment etc (if possible) by year end, few travels, and spruce up family economics.
I need to sort myself out. The 2011 race calendar is taking shape, and it is already causing feeding frenzy. The only thing that is standing between me and the registration button for Sundown Ultra is the 80k LSD.
I wonder when will my healthy appetite for races will translate into a healthy appetite to my professional life?