Click!

Everyone should press the button 'Refresh' once in a while. Been quite a stretch since I pressed mine. I suppose when I actually said that work takes priority, and my runs shall supplement my work - I hardly understand then what I was talking about. I did not fully understand the demands it entails, and how was I going to react to them.

Many things zoomed past in the last few months. Dailymile has taken a role of what this blog used to do. What it is as a place to log in trainings and my feelings at the time of training has become a place of sheer mockery at times, as many feel-good comments are made simply out of obligations. 

Although it is still exciting to chart progress, it also serves as a grim reminder of how much I was lacking. 

Lacking - another word to define you are not self-worthy. Nowhere near good enough. And when we say we train, we want to be great! For some reason, at this moment I felt that it  is a wrong concept. Great for what?

Reality check - this is the Marathon month! Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2011 is finally lurking behind the next corner, and there is nothing I could do, except if I were to choose to DNS. My trainings have been inconsistent, and crappy at most. Many weeks when I was supposed to peak, I chickened out and bury my face deep in Building By-Laws, National Land Code etc. With my last full marathon actually was SCKLM 2010, I am freaking. A PB? 

Not a chance!

Through series of interviews that I have had in the past weeks, I advocated about my passion for running, and the healthy lifestyle. But what I have expressed seemed to be a one side of the coin, where the other darker side gives me a sadist addiction that sucks me dry all the time. If you are in same shoes, you'll understand what kind of addiction I am talking about.

But talking to medium of why did I first started running in the first place, and in reflection of where I am at the moment gives me a massive blow. A big reality check. 

BIG!

I have steered off course from a point when I started this. While I am thankful that people draw inspiration from me, but I need to dig deep to draw inspirations myself. And that should start with me.

The deck chair is Godsent! Super easy on my back pain! And with the cool breeze, lounging at the balcony was almost therapeutic!

I returned to the office after a 3-weeks study break, and that ended my fling with food. Honestly, the days I spent getting all bored reading legislations, Acts and Code of Conducts, I minimised my physical activities on a pretext to stay out of trouble. No rain-running, no over-swimming, no over-distanced, etc. Flu bug is the last thing I'd want to catch which may halt me to a grinding headache and bedridden days with running nose and no books. And at the same time was a constant flow of placebos. I made myself to believe that I need caffeine and junk food to stay awake etc, and such false allegations I forced onto myself I shall never repeat. 

Everything goes through a phase. Towards the end of it all, I had massive headaches for a week, which I called as acid lactic build-up in my head. And the enormous feeling of restraint, not being able to find time to run and swim - disappointing.

I am thankful all the things I have learnt over the years have (so far) kept me within the safe side of the ledge, but I suppose if I am not careful, I'd tip over and slip.

*touch wood*

Anyway, it is good to read all friends are doing exceptionally well, running around the globe and enjoying themselves. This Tuesday morning, I raise my mug of hot teh 'O' kurang manis to you guys.