Everyone should press the button 'Refresh' once in a while. Been quite a stretch since I pressed mine. I suppose when I actually said that work takes priority, and my runs shall supplement my work - I hardly understand then what I was talking about. I did not fully understand the demands it entails, and how was I going to react to them.
Many things zoomed past in the last few months. Dailymile has taken a role of what this blog used to do. What it is as a place to log in trainings and my feelings at the time of training has become a place of sheer mockery at times, as many feel-good comments are made simply out of obligations.
Although it is still exciting to chart progress, it also serves as a grim reminder of how much I was lacking.
Lacking - another word to define you are not self-worthy. Nowhere near good enough. And when we say we train, we want to be great! For some reason, at this moment I felt that it is a wrong concept. Great for what?
Reality check - this is the Marathon month! Standard Chartered KL Marathon 2011 is finally lurking behind the next corner, and there is nothing I could do, except if I were to choose to DNS. My trainings have been inconsistent, and crappy at most. Many weeks when I was supposed to peak, I chickened out and bury my face deep in Building By-Laws, National Land Code etc. With my last full marathon actually was SCKLM 2010, I am freaking. A PB?
Not a chance!
Through series of interviews that I have had in the past weeks, I advocated about my passion for running, and the healthy lifestyle. But what I have expressed seemed to be a one side of the coin, where the other darker side gives me a sadist addiction that sucks me dry all the time. If you are in same shoes, you'll understand what kind of addiction I am talking about.
But talking to medium of why did I first started running in the first place, and in reflection of where I am at the moment gives me a massive blow. A big reality check.
I have steered off course from a point when I started this. While I am thankful that people draw inspiration from me, but I need to dig deep to draw inspirations myself. And that should start with me.
|The deck chair is Godsent! Super easy on my back pain! And with the cool breeze, lounging at the balcony was almost therapeutic!|
I returned to the office after a 3-weeks study break, and that ended my fling with food. Honestly, the days I spent getting all bored reading legislations, Acts and Code of Conducts, I minimised my physical activities on a pretext to stay out of trouble. No rain-running, no over-swimming, no over-distanced, etc. Flu bug is the last thing I'd want to catch which may halt me to a grinding headache and bedridden days with running nose and no books. And at the same time was a constant flow of placebos. I made myself to believe that I need caffeine and junk food to stay awake etc, and such false allegations I forced onto myself I shall never repeat.
Everything goes through a phase. Towards the end of it all, I had massive headaches for a week, which I called as acid lactic build-up in my head. And the enormous feeling of restraint, not being able to find time to run and swim - disappointing.
I am thankful all the things I have learnt over the years have (so far) kept me within the safe side of the ledge, but I suppose if I am not careful, I'd tip over and slip.
Anyway, it is good to read all friends are doing exceptionally well, running around the globe and enjoying themselves. This Tuesday morning, I raise my mug of hot teh 'O' kurang manis to you guys.