Self-doubt

I feel a little... bloated. I realise that not it has been a while since I did not feel good about myself, and this self-doubt is now creeping back in.

I have been putting on some weight, I think.

OK, people might still say that I don't look all that different, and I sometimes think that I am going mental over this weight loss agenda. But I have been missing my gyms the whole one week I was in CPH, and just shortly after, another week in UAE. I have in fact been spending too long at the breakfast buffet table (c'mon, those irresistable cheeses etc, oh!), and the airline's food are one of the most unhealthiest of all. I ran a coupe in CPH, and a day in UAE in the blistering heat. That was it.

Now, I am in the final week prior to the marathon, and restraining myself from going to the gym. Or else, my guilt will drive me up the wall and straight to the weights section. What doesn't help is the steady carbs streaming this week. And it's only Tuesday. I have never put myself into this simulation, and I am afraid it will get too comfortable into the zones I have long abandoned.

Sure this will pass, but now it is just too confusing, this whole conflicting agendas of trying to lose weight, or to run my first marathon, or to tone up. I have been too unrealistic, I understand. But we want it all, aren't we?

Well, I do.

So fine, marathon it is now. Come 29 June 2009, I will return to the old routines of losing weight. But wait, I have swimming lessons to take, bicycle to buy and many rides to join...

Manusia memang tak pernah bersyukur kot, or puas dengan apa yang ada...


* today ran 5km at KLCC Park with some speed works (nasib baik tak terkehel lutut)

Comments

you are doing perfectly fine here. Carbo loading a week before the long race is recommended. Training for fatloss, marathon and muscle-building are all different. But the composition, somehow, do not realy differ much from one another i.e. You won't be losing like 30% of muscle mass from long marathon (but sure the size will get slighly smaller as your body is getting the glycogen in the muscle to fuel your marathon) ... no worries, u will understand your body more once you do it on regular basis ... first things first. See u this Sunday.
amsyah said…
thanks Ian... just wierd and confusing, lah - first time doing this.

Going to collect the goodies on Friday noon. You?
probably on friday too .... expect a good crowd there.
haza said…
Syah, I'm also a weight-watching runner, but i don't think now is a good time to worry about the kilos. Let's just eat sensibly, and most imprtant, hydrate well during these final few days. I'm also skipping the gym (weight training) this week. Can't leave anything to chance.

BTW, why dun you guys go and collect on Saturday? Hehe.
amsyah said…
Haza : thanks, will drink lots of water... eat sensibly is very experimental coz it's either eat within the diet, or come down crashing... :) need a lot more work up there...

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