Self-doubt

I feel a little... bloated. I realise that not it has been a while since I did not feel good about myself, and this self-doubt is now creeping back in.

I have been putting on some weight, I think.

OK, people might still say that I don't look all that different, and I sometimes think that I am going mental over this weight loss agenda. But I have been missing my gyms the whole one week I was in CPH, and just shortly after, another week in UAE. I have in fact been spending too long at the breakfast buffet table (c'mon, those irresistable cheeses etc, oh!), and the airline's food are one of the most unhealthiest of all. I ran a coupe in CPH, and a day in UAE in the blistering heat. That was it.

Now, I am in the final week prior to the marathon, and restraining myself from going to the gym. Or else, my guilt will drive me up the wall and straight to the weights section. What doesn't help is the steady carbs streaming this week. And it's only Tuesday. I have never put myself into this simulation, and I am afraid it will get too comfortable into the zones I have long abandoned.

Sure this will pass, but now it is just too confusing, this whole conflicting agendas of trying to lose weight, or to run my first marathon, or to tone up. I have been too unrealistic, I understand. But we want it all, aren't we?

Well, I do.

So fine, marathon it is now. Come 29 June 2009, I will return to the old routines of losing weight. But wait, I have swimming lessons to take, bicycle to buy and many rides to join...

Manusia memang tak pernah bersyukur kot, or puas dengan apa yang ada...

* today ran 5km at KLCC Park with some speed works (nasib baik tak terkehel lutut)